that wasn't yoga

I love groupon. I also love yoga. Put that together and I love that as an impoverished young adult I can get my yogi on by purchasing groupons and getting an unlimited month here or 20 class pass there. Sometimes though, groupon fails...big time. Take this morning's groupon adventure. I saw a killer deal that for $30 I could get 1 month unlimited to Dahn Yoga Studio. If you know what "Dahn" yoga is then you are probably busting up right now. Look it up or better yet go take just one class and you will understand the biggest WTF nightmare I endured for two hours at 6am today.

For the record it was not yoga. At least not the yoga I am accustomed to. Call me a naive westerner who only knows adapted yoga from India geared for Americans. I don't care that's the yoga I like. I can get centered, find my breath and inner peace (get a freaking work out) just fine with Bikram or whatever the other stuff is that I deem "normal" yoga.

This morning's adventure consisted of bouncing, pounding my chest while making sounds, grandma stretches, massaging my colon, breathing to pooch my belly, listened to an inspirational speech of us apologizing to our bodies and saying "we love you, we love you body" for about 10minutes, and then my favorite part: stared at a cosmic pokemon card and closing my eyes waving the card around my body. Because apparently we won't get Breast Cancer if we do these exercises.

Groupon you could have warned me. Or Dahn "yoga" maybe leave the Y word out of your name, it's super misleading. We didn't even use mats! I have learned my lesson next time always check out the yoga studio's website before buying their groupon. I assumed too much that the picture of happy people in warrior pose and the groupon title unlimited yoga $30 meant I would actually be getting some sun salutations in with it. 

 Last bit of my rantings: Seriously though yoga, for a sport/activity/lifetstyle that emphasizes on  inner peace, being equal,  promoting good vibes too all the world why are you so elitist? Why must I pay more than double to have a membership with you than with a regular gym? Why? You don't even need equipment we bring our own mats...just a thought for you. Make yourself affordable so I can just go to one place that I like and not have to fall into the Dahn yoga traps.
p.s someday you will see pics of me doing these poses, yo.